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I paint my own reality.
Monday, May 10, 2010

WARNING: An emotional life-related rant up ahead.


I'm a perfectionist, but not everything I do is perfect.
I want to be the best, but my pessimistic attitude and mood swings always tie me down.
I try to stand out in class; to get noticed by the teachers and to be accepted by my peers.
I'm usually around various people to avoid being alone.
I hate the fact that I'm too sensitive.

I envy many people.
I crave to be like them.
But I know I can't because everyone's different.

I always try to live up to my brothers' standards.
My first brother is a very smart student, a creative artist and an optimist.
My second brother is exceptionally good at writing and talented in music.
Both lead interesting lives.

Then, I look at myself.
I see a girl who's selfish, who tries too hard to be accepted, who's annoying, who envies her peers frequently, who treats her parents badly and who is too emotional that it makes people sick.
And I realise that those are the reasons why I can't be like all the people I admire.

I've had my fair share of up and downs.
I know what it's like to be isolated from a group of friends who you were once close with.
And I know what it feels like to be accepted.

I put up a cheery disposition whenever I meet new people and that intrigues them.
But once I know them enough, that facade dissolves and it leaves me with a quieter persona; which immediately draws away their fascination.
And it leaves me feeling so small and so uninteresting, that I decide to put up the cheery disposition once more and try to sneak my way into people's lives again.

But that's not really the real me.
The real me isn't always that cheery.
The real me is much more quieter, and only occasionally cheery.

Once again, I know what it feels like to be isolated.
It was a traumatic experience for me, and I have vowed to myself to never be like that again.
And so, the disposition came up ever since then.

But, it's not really an act, since I honestly smile and laugh when things amuse me.
I wouldn't ever fake a laugh or a smile just to avoid isolation.
The only thing which I admit is fake is my seemingly optimistic attitude at times.
Because frankly, I'm a pessimist.

All in all, I'm not a fake person.
I just try to act happier and cheerier than I actually am.


-Alisa


Magic
Monday, May 3, 2010

Whooh, school was okay at first, and ended on a really stressful note.
I hate it when we have limited time to do our essay. 
Doesn't teacher know that I'm the type of person who's late for most things? >:(

So, yeah, I didn't pass up my essay ("How To Make Little Sponge Cakes") today since I was only in the process of writing paragraph three when the bell rang.
Also, teacher was looming over me while I was freaking out and trying to finish the essay.
Yes, I am such a good student.  /sarcasm

Anyway, before English, we had KH; which was equally as suck-ish as English since I was confused the whole time teacher was teaching.
Haih, I already feel my ticket to Top 5 slipping away. Noo~

Oh, and before that, we had BM.
Now, this was a yummy class :D
It's Puan Zakiah's (BM teacher/class teacher) birthday today, and we (2A) celebrated it by taking pictures and stuffing our mouths with slices of cake.
Cool, huh?
Bad thing is, most of my classmates were taking the icing on their slices of cake and swiping them on each other's faces/clothes/hair. 
Wtf, they wasted good cake. -.-

Also, we had our class photo taken today before recess.
Five people didn't go to school today, so they're not going to be in the picture, WHICH TOTALLY SUCKS. D:
2 formal photos and 2 candid ones, as usual.
For the first candid, Jo Yee pulled Malcolm, which caused him to lose his footing on the bench he was standing on, which resulted in Sabrina and I (who were standing close to him, in front) to gasp and turn to him in shock; at the same time the camera clicked.
Heh, I wonder how that turned out.

Anyway, those were the highlights of school today.
Plus the fact that I ran around the school compound after English to do my tasks with pulled muscles in my calves.
Why the pulled muscles, you ask?
Well, I decided to exercise yesterday by skipping rope and ended up with it.

Ah, so, I'll be signing off now.
I still need to complete the stupid instructional essay, despite not even knowing how to make 'little sponge cakes'.
Blah.


-Alisa

|side note|: "Magic" by KARA is addictive. (._.'')


M.M.
Sunday, May 2, 2010

Just finished watching "Marathon Man" with my parents on TV just now.
Watched it in HD. (yes, I have the Astro Byond thing :D)
The movie was really interesting. 

Anyway, hi! (:
It's been awhile since I updated this blog; so, I'm updating now; after almost a month!

Well, what's new?
School's been okay~
Oh, I'm in the Articles department in Editorial; and I finally received the English articles from Puan Suzana on Friday. 
KRS and softball was fine, as always.

Although, there was a 'bitch fight' during KRS last week between a Form 4 girl and a Form 2 girl.
All the while, my friends and I (and the rest of the KRS members) were just sitting innocently on the ground, waiting for some students from another school to do a persembahan kawad kaki.
The 'bitch fight' took place right behind my group of friends, so we heard what they were talking about. Some of my friends 'pasang telinga', but I just tried to block out the noise pollution.
I mean, I did hear some stuff, but I got bored after awhile. 
...we-ell, until I heard them shouting to each other. 
Then, I looked at them with a 'wtf-are-you-two-doing' look; which they didn't notice anyway...

Aish, too much scandals going around. 
Luckily, I'm not a part of any of it. (yay)

Oh, and the results for the KRS test was announced two weeks earlier (I think).
Well, we basically just took the results paper from teacher and saw how much we got.
I got 39/40; which is the highest, I think. *shrugs*

Anyway, a to-do list for today is required, don't cha think?
1. Finish up all my unfinished homework.
2. Photocopy the English articles (and give it to Puan Suzana tomorrow to edit).
3. Do Maths exercises on Pythagoras' Theorem.
4. Clean my bedroom and help out around the house (since my maid balik kampung for a month).
5. EXERCISE! :O

Okay, that's it; I'm done.
Oh, and I hope everyone who's going to Syafinas's birthday bash tonight has fun! ^^

'till the next update!

-Alisa