I know this post will contrast to the colourful-ness of this blog. Especially since it's called 'Rainbow Town' ; but hear me out and please bear with me.

*I might sound a bit emo.

I'm scared, I really am.
&& I feel bad right now.

Why?

Because my parents are in a fight and they're not even talking to each other. Neither are they sleeping in the same room.
My dad sleeps in the master bedroom while my mum sleeps in the guest bedroom on the top floor.

I just realised this yesterday (they've been like this for the past week) ; I know, I'm a bad daughter and I should've known. But now I feel like I shouldn't have found out.

I'm scared that my parents might get a divorce.

Trust me, I've been in this situation before when I was younger (like 9 or so) ; and yes, I cried when they asked me, "If we were to get a divorce, who would you like to live with?".
My mum even went so far as to leave the house for a few days. We couldn't contact her.
I cried a lot when this happened because I'm mostly attached to my mum.

But now... I'm worried that it might happen again ; and this time for real.

My suspiciouns were confirmed by my maid tonight.
I asked her, "Why is ma and pa sleeping in different rooms?"
She answered, "They're in a fight. Just keep it quiet, okay?"
I felt brief sadness after that.

Then, I went upstairs ; I was still happy. In truth, I was ignoring the fact that my parents weren't getting along and imagined that they were still okay.
But when I went out and saw my mum watching tv alone just now...

Something snapped.

I suddenly got angry at my mum when she tried to help me with something and failed. As usual, I went into my room and locked the door.

That's when I started crying.

And now, as I'm typing this ; my eyes are burning because of the crying.
I feel so tired and energy-less.
I can't even be my usual self.

I'm afraid of what the future holds for me.


Ttyl .